Does anybody watch the news anymore? I can’t remember the last time I devoted 30 minutes of my life to watching the local news. Who has that kind of time? When I do watch the news, I’m really just waiting for the weather girl to give me the lowdown on the kind of weather I just experienced that day. As if I didn’t know that it was the freak April hurricane that soaked me to my mitochondria, not some freak water tower explosion. I’m in love with Sheena Parveen – one of the local Philly weather girls. I think she is dating some hockey player or something – at least that’s what the Philly Inquirer social pages says. I like to think she is saving herself for a ridiculously handsome, dashing, well-groomed, agile, sensitive toxicologist with an unfortunate god complex. Anyway – whether you are a red-blooded dude that digs exotic weather-slingers or a demure MILF who’s onto Sam Champion or a demure dude who’s into Sam Champion, it doesn’t matter. We are all the same and this stupid Chinese weather idiot robot will never take over the American weather news. There’s no reason to search for bikini pictures of it on the internet.
Sam Champion and Sheena Parveen – the only reasons to watch the news.
