“Son, guzzling a dozen energy drinks, blacking out and waking up 250 miles away is no way to go through life.”

“Son, guzzling a dozen energy drinks, blacking out and waking up 250 miles away is no way to go through life.”

So what happened to this hero? He admits to drinking 15-20 Monster energy drinks, blacking out and regaining consciousness at a gas station 250 miles away with no recollection of how he got there. Here are some theories:

  1. Monster energy drinks, when taken in adequate quantities, allow you to time travel.
  2. Alien abduction. 
  3. He’s lying about not remembering because he is embarrassed about something he did while under the influence of the Monster.
  4. One or more of the ingredients caused a temporary amnesia and he drove halfway across the state of Ohio while in a “blackout.”

Monster contains the following ingredients: 

The ingredients include carbonated water, sucrose, glucose, citric acid, natural flavors, taurine, sodium citrate, panax ginseng root extract, L-carnitine, caffeine, sorbic acid, benzoic acid, niacinamide, salt, glucuronolactone, inositol, guarana seed extract, pyridoxine hydrochloride, sucralose, riboflavin, maltodextrin, and cyanocobalamin. 

Of these, the most concerning are probably the caffeine, the amino acids taurine and L-carnitine and maybe the panax ginseng. My money is on the caffeine. There is about 160mg of caffeine in a 16 oz. Monster (there may be more in different formulations). That’s about half the caffeine you get in a cup of Starbuck’s Pike Place Roast. If you drink 20 cans of Monster, you get over 3 grams of caffeine. Combined with the neurologically active amino acids, it’s entirely possible that this cowboy’s brain underwent astral projection, like Dr. Strange, and his body, instead of going limp, was fueled by a zombie-like concoction of sugar and grade-A rocket juice. There is even a chance that he suffered a seizure and performed his disappearing/reappearing act while in a post-ictal fugue state. Scary stuff, kids. 

Written by Poison Boy

Gerry O'Malley (a.k.a Poison Boy) is a board certified ER doctor and toxicologist with a interest in the unusual, terrifying and occasionally hilarious world of poisonings and toxicology. This site is an exploration of poisons of historical interest as well as in current events and pop culture.

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